I read this post today on a friend's blog. I think she has a great perspective, one I can relate to. And for the record, I would LOVE to be like "June Cleaver"!
You know what the hardest thing is? Balance. And not just in the obvious
sense--balancing time with four children, getting all the chores of
life done, making time to meditate and exercise, squeezing in service,
helping with homework, nagging about piano practice, driving to
basketball... That type of balance is a whole series of discussions in
and of itself. It would include questions like 'how do you prioritize
and fit it all in?' and suggestions like, 'I clean the bathroom and put
on my make-up while supervising the toddlers in the bath. Awesome
multi-tasking!' But there is another kind of balance that I have deeper
worries about.
I am constantly concerned about the balance between needs and the best use of my time. Here is what I mean:
I am an ambitious human being. I always have been. I load up my
plate--heaping full-- all the time. I want to learn more, accomplish
more, serve more, be more. Even if I had no job or children, I could
fill up my whole day, every day. I would run, read, clean, write, cook,
bake, sew, photograph, and...and... You get the picture.
If I had the time, I would pour myself into growing Penny&Tillie.
Jessie and I have grand visions and big ideas for our little hobby to
become a big business.
But my life doesn't look like that. I have a husband. A dear,
hard-working, awesome fun, loving husband. And, as June Cleaver as it
sounds, I expect myself to keep the house a beautiful place and put good
food on the table, because, dang it, he works hard for me all day every
day. I also have four children. Four energetic, loud, brilliant,
beautiful, demanding, loving children. And they're not just mine. They
are God's. He made them. They come from Him. And, though I highly value
the agency--in other words the freedom to choose--that God has granted
all of us, I also hold myself responsible to teach my children and give
them the tools they need to succeed. And, heaven help me, if one of my
children wanders or struggles or feels unloved, and I haven't given him
the best of me, I don't see how I can live with myself.
I've said before: I don't believe in being a martyr mother. I have to
have my own interests and identity. But I don't want to look back at
this mortal life--this amazing, beautiful gift of a life--and realize,
'I wasted the best days I was given on selfish, secular, mundane
interests.'
And there it is. The balance struggle. How to give everyone (including
myself) enough of me. I doubt I will ever really feel like I'm winning
the balance battle. But I am constantly reevaluating my life. Like every
single day.
I hope to the heavens I am getting it at least sorta right.
